There is a category of people in society, although they have reached age of majority, but have not yet been psychologically weaned.
They are very self-centered, ignorant of social rules and familiar with world, lacking independence and a sense of responsibility.
They have a common name - "giant baby".
If you don't make your child suffer, world will make him suffer.
I know Simu, netizen, was a "giant baby".
She hardly ever hangs out with her friends because her parents stipulate that "you have to go home before dark" and "you can't take dangerous taxis", not to mention supporting education, internships, travel and other activities .
She grew up without underwear and never set foot in kitchen because her parents thought her daughter shouldn't "stick to cigarettes".
During school holidays, when her peers traveled or worked for extra pay, she stayed at home to study, read and write.
The consequences are obvious. Her ability to take care of herself, her ability to make decisions, and her ability to act are far behind her peers:
After entering college, I cried in anxiety because I did not install a mobile phone card, I cried all way because I did not pack my luggage during military training, I even had to ask passers-by how to get to other side of road by bus ...
A netizen bluntly said, "I always thought I grew up, but I really didn't. My parents took away my opportunity to grow up."
This offer is an offer.
The birth of all "giant children" is associated with excessive care of parents for their children.
All animals instinctively love children. However, excessive guardianship of parents does not allow children to eat any bitterness. When a child faces world on his own, he receives a cup of "bitter fruits."
Feng Menglong recounted fable of "kingfisher moving nest" in Ancient and Modern Talk:
To avoid disaster, kingfishers often build their nests very high from start.
When chicks hatch, kingfishers love them very much. Afraid of accidentally breaking it, I lowered nest.
As birds grow feathers, kingfishers love them more and move their nests lower.
So people easily caught a small kingfisher.
Han Feizi once said, "Master and Yan family, there are no cruel prisoners, but loving mothers have lost sons."
"Love is too hardworking, sadness is too hardworking." Children will develop habits of waywardness and arrogance, and they will even go astray.
A child is like a tree. Only by pruning it as it grows will tree grow tall and straight.
Unless, out of patience, side shoots are cut off and left to thrive, sooner or later world will cut them down in a crueler way.
The world is inherently fair. Happiness will come only whensuffering languishes.
Sweetness without pain will one day return.
Parents create a sterile environment for their children that will eventually turn them into trash.
You don't make your child suffer, he makes his parents suffer.
In a 15,000-word letter, entire article is filled with negative words.
Wang Meng (pseudonym), "Student No. 1" in college entrance exam science, BA from Peking University and US MA, blamed his parents' "overprotectiveness" for breaking up with his family.
"My mother always kept me at home and loved to do what she liked." Before graduating from high school, almost all of Wang Meng's social circles were in yard where he lived.
At first I thought that if I was accepted to Peking University, I could leave my hometown and get rid of my parents' "control", but I still didn't. "
Before leaving, my family asked me to call my aunt in Beijing and ask her to take care of her in future. "
After graduating, after several years of poor performance, Wang Meng took advantage of his English and decided to study abroad.
However, he was accompanied by "care" of his parents, and then he found him an "old friend" who took care of him.
About 2012, a lengthy breakup letter was sent out in which Wang Mengla hacked into all of her parents' contact information and said goodbye to her "home". He stopped communicating with his family and almost did not respond to any messages.
Wang Meng has only returned home once in last 10 years, and it's still a "routine" to change her expired ID card.
It was spring of 2015, and during whole trip I was in my hometown for only 6 hours, and I stayed at home for less than 10 minutes just because I needed to get a household book from my parents.
"Every spring holiday, someone will ask why your son hasn't returned yet. I say he's in United States and very busy," Wang Meng's mother's words are sad and helpless.
Wang Meng's letter could be real. Perhaps, as some netizens said, it was fabricated by author, but sounded alarm for current family upbringing.
In this extreme example, many people can see their own shadow.
Many parents do not see difference between love and love. The essence of love is to give children freedom, tolerance and appreciation, while essence of love is to overprotect and control.
Liu Yong once sighed and said, "How many children today want freedom of United States and favor of China. Without initiative of American children, they will lose China's filial piety."
"Petting dog on stove is not spoiling child", don't let child suffer and child will eventually make parents suffer.
The deepest love that parents give to their children is letting go.
Yu Deng said following:
"All love in this world is for reunion, but for separation. There is only one kind of love, and that is love of parents for their children. The true love of parents is to separate children from children." Become an independent person as soon as possible. Go there, and sooner this separation occurs, more successful you will be. "
In other words, there is a kind of love called letting go. Parents who do not let go cannot raise promising children.
Documentary "Fox's Story" scored 8.7 on Douban:
It tells about a pair of foxes who love each other. After mother fox becomes pregnant, father fox gets his own food without fear.
He was bitten by wolves and covered in bruises, but he still dragged food in pain and insisted on finding food after a long snowy day.
In spring, mother fox gave birth to five cute fox cubs.
The little fox gradually grew up under caring care of his parents.
In early autumn morning, Fox's parents, as usual, took their children deep into pasture.
Stop at an area with lush vegetation and a small stream.
Mother and father-foxes circled children twice, and then ran away without looking back...
They ruthlessly "thrown" children into an unpredictable meadow, but have already taught cubs how to survive.
This is true for animals, but even more so for humans.
Even if there is dissatisfaction, parents should reluctantly let go, because child's future must be borne by themselves.
Only by letting go and allowing children to step out of their "parents'" comfort zone will they be able to see a wider sky, a higher vision, and a wider pattern.
Because pattern of parents is pattern of child, and growth of parents is growth of child. The life of a child is nothing but a repetition of life of his parents.
Smart parents need to learn to let go.
In a colorful life, instead of condescendingly teaching, we stand next to child, shoulder to shoulder with him, and accompany child on a wonderful journey.
October 31, 2023